Andrew Earles

Every week, I write small-ish “picks”/”anti-picks” pieces for The Washington City Paper. As a result, there are even more promo items cluttering up my life. Below, I offer several of them to you, dear reader.

The new album by Juliette (Lewis) and the Licks

No art promo CD. Comes with photocopied press littered with plenty of gross pics. Unplayed.

$472.99 OBO

Most recent album from Alabama Thunderpussy

With art and jewel case. On Relapse Records. Played twice. Includes instructions on how to be a fake redneck.

$218.99 FIRM

Review copy of Michael Crichton’s State Of Fear

Uncracked. Recipient will start walking around house yelling “Michael Crichton’s State Of Fear!!!” in a foreboding voice. Why? Don’t Know. I did it for two days straight. Recipient will eagerly await Michael Crichton’s next enviro-techno thriller, Urban Pond.

$519.99 or trade for gently-worn copy of Tom Grace’s Bird Of Prey

New CD by An Albatross

CD plays for 17 minutes. Full art and jewel case. Perfect for people who believe that the Locust broke ground.

$.19 OBO

For people who believe that the Locust broke ground: $1,351.99

Paperback edition of R. Lee Ermey’s Mail Call

Like to get yelled at by a book? Great for militia members and young boys.

$20.00

$40.00 with forged autograph

Turing Machine, new CD

Yesterday’s math rock tomorrow. Pretty good. Drummer is a 6′ 9″ black cowboy in a fedora and ankle-length duster. He goes by “The Ebony Wall.” Also has mechanical arm that can shatter bowling balls. Fights crime.

FREE

Mint paperback copies of Why Girls Talk…And What They’re Really Saying + Why Boys Don’t Talk…And Why It Matters

My only comment: It’s a good thing that this is a long distance writing gig.

Will pay you $5.00 for removal of these books.