Andrew Earles

Paul Newman Hall of Greatness (no order) R.I.P.

Posted in Uncategorized by Andrew Earles on September 28, 2008

1. The Hustler

2. BC & SDK

3. The Verdict

4. The MacKintosh Man

5. Slap Shot

6. The Color of Money

7. Fort Apache The Bronx

8. Road to Perdition

9. Absence of Malice

10. Cool Hand Luke

11. The Drowning Pool

12. Quintet

13. THE TOWERING INFERNO

Some Kudos that don’t come in a box or get stale, my friend.

Posted in Uncategorized by Andrew Earles on September 25, 2008

Why am I always the last to hear the good news? Instead of boring you with a witty intro that I’m unable to think of (WITTY, not snarky), I’ll simply paste the post (keep in mind that someone may be playing a joke on me):

“Yo Earles

Thought you’d like to know Thurston Moore big upped//product placed your JFAL project on stage during ATP Friday night while performing his album Psychic Hearts.

mid way through the set b/w songs…

Thurston: “So I’m gonna sing this next song in a British accent (which he didn’t)…anyone heard the new Matador 2 disc release of prank calls where the guy calls up as the bass player from the Psychedelic Furs?”

Faceless Audience Member: ‘TIM BUTLER!’

Thurston: ‘Yeah that’s it! Tim Butler.’

No real punchline. Just thought you’d like to know.

Matt”

Earles says: NICE!

Sure, in the past I’ve let loose with the critical word, here and there, about SY. It’s just the criticism that can only be called love! Did I almost buy the 4 LP Dirty Deluxe (possibly not the actual title) box the other day? Yes. Tomorrow, if the mood strikes and I pass said store on my left, will the set be purchased? Maybe. Then again, maybe I’ll wait until Friday.

In tribute to the props, I give you the Goo to Dirty HALL OF GREATNESS IN 60 SECONDS!!!

1. “Wish Fulfillment” 

2. “Genetic”

3. “Mote”

4. Seeing “Dirty Boots” video when I was 17

5. “Titanium Expose”

6. 12″ live version of “Dirty Boots” (forgot the focus song for the EP)

7. The fact that I can do a perfect impersonation of Chuck D.’s mid-song banter during “Kool Thing” – Kim’s? Not so much….

8. “Cinderella’s Big Score”

9. Pettibon nabbing a little bit of that Geffen budget…

10. “Go to Sleep” by St. Johnny… (7″ version on Ajax is better, but album version was my only access “back in the day”)

11. Cell and St. Johnny jokes KILL at parties…I encourage readers to try some out…

12. “Theresa’s Sound World”

13. Rave-up anchor in “Sugar Kane”….mainly the drumming…..

14. Will I make to 15 within 60 seconds?

15. “Chapel Hill”

The Haps (Disclaimer: Contains self-promotion)

Posted in Uncategorized by Andrew Earles on September 20, 2008

Make sure to pick up the new/next (October?) issue of Vice Magazine. It’s the “Interview Issue” and I wrote the entire review section. Rather, I conducted A LOT of interviews with A LOT of bands/artists in a VERY short amount of time (that was punctuated by a VERY REAL case of appendicitis). I’m not going to give the section’s title away, but it explains everything. I’ve seen the edit, and it’s a read good for some chuckles, insight, and irritation.

 

For those attending GonerFest 5 in Memphis this weekend, my comedy release, Earles and Jensen Present…Just Farr A Laugh Vol 1 & 2, will be available for sale at a discounted cost, as will the brand new issue of Chunklet Magazine and recently published beacon of music-related non-fiction The Rock Bible (Quirk Books), both of which sizeable contributions from yours truly.

 

From the Quirk site:

 

“Complete with faux-biblical illustrations and parables and essays from comedian Patton Oswalt, drummer Brian Teasley, and professional smartass Andrew Earles, The Rock Bible is a rude and raunchy look at the best and worst of rock ’n’ roll.”

READ MORE ABOUT THE ROCK BIBLE HERE!

A little insider info: As of its second or third week of availability, The Rock Bible is already in its second printing. For a book about music (albeit a HUMOR book about music), that’s not too shabby.

 

To order the 2 CD/65+ page booklet that is Earles and Jensen Present…Just Farr A Laugh Vol 1 & 2, which I’ve now decided to belatedly promote as the world’s only Lo-Fi Sh*tgaze Comedy Album, go here.

 

 

Dear readers, the Coen Bros hate each and every one of you….

Posted in Uncategorized by Andrew Earles on September 19, 2008

…and your family, and humanity.

That’s right. In case you, reader, needed to be reminded, you are not a critically-lauded writer or director of a highly-respected filmography. You are a normal, hardworking person, and the Coen Bros want to tear you to pieces for the moviegoing public…who they also hate. What sort of genius do you suspect it takes to write a character like Linda Litzke, the middle-aged, under-loved, desperate divorcee willing to indulge in blackmail to pay for a buffet of plastic surgery operations (when her health insurance fails to cover them). Aside from the criminal aspect, it takes very little imagination to create that character. It takes even less to slice and dice it in the ruthless manner that these condescending golden boys put into gear for an entire movie.

And to you, a duo that has single-handedly excised any meening from the word “genius”…for fuck’s sake, you wallowing ingrates, you’re inviting the entire world to make fun of the woman that just passed you in a Mercury Mystique, that just cooked your lunch, that just accepted your receipt-less return at Target, that has to fight a daily urge not to stick a goddamned shotgun in her mouth, that is proud of her two-bedroom apartment, that gave birth to the prosaic Generation Y shithead that’s going to call this their favorite movie, and that unwittingly makes up a giant portion of the demographic that paid for you to make Burn After Reading, a steaming, corn-studded coil of one-dimensional, short-sighted hatred.  

That’s just one of them. Never has a cast of such unlikeable characters graced a movie screen. It’s so easy. Go ahead, look down those bird noses and take aim at hopelessly single gym managers that unwittingly own a leaf-wilting ugliness and aging, insecure, alcoholic intellectuals driven by their life mistakes to hate everything and everyone and soul-sucking bitches with spines of ice and whatever other demographic that swims around in very tiny barrels but nonetheless DOES NOT deserve to be on the receiving end of your heartless, uninspired bullshit.

Perhaps I’ll write a hilarious screenplay about a terminal case of cancer that gradually eats a critically-lauded filmmaker alive. The audience will roar with laughter as he becomes too sick to slide down the fireman’s pole that shines in the distance, piercing the middle of his three-story Manhattan penthouse.

And since when did the you decide to craft scripts that Neil LaBute probably left scattered on the floor sometime between In The Company of Men and Your Friends and Neighbors? Am I the only person that doesn’t want to watch another movie about men and women in committed relationships that can’t help but pounce onto each swinging dick or dive into every bearded clam that comes-a-whistlin’ down the alley?

On an entirely different note, since I’ve never figured out a way to properly express my “It wasn’t that long ago that this was done, and done better” sentiment without coming across like a jaded, bitter windbag, I’m glad Mosurock stepped up to the plate. Let me clarify: Eat Skull were around when their favorite bands were around, so in no way do they deserve to be accused of fronting an Arrogance of Assumed Originality. Some do, though, some do……

On a more positive note, I’m very excited about these two movies.

First movie.

Second movie.  

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