Andrew Earles

A predictable “Hall of Greatness” entry for Sunday afternoon or What Happens When I Can’t Think of An Entertaining Post

Posted in Uncategorized by Andrew Earles on November 30, 2008

I’ve had all the playground abuse one man can take!! It all stems from some quiet yet unapologetic excitement over the Jesus Lizard reunion and 100% of it can be traced, mainly through 1,831 soul-erasing/waterworks-inducing e-mails, to a shall-remain-unnamed Jason and the Scorchers/Olds 97′s fan that happens to also be a close friend. Going so far as to show up at my door (while I was in the middle of stuffing 10,000 envelopes for a non-profit, pet rescue organization…for no fee) void of a shirt but donning dirtied-stiff Levi’s 501s with the button-fly open, allowing the act of “hanging brain” (to recognize this slang, readers must possess brain to hang and a fond remembrance of 7th grade and/or a front row position at a JL show). Let’s take a look at some internet scuttlebutt:

Pitchfork

Brooklyn Vegan

Ultimate Axe

INDIEBLIPS!!

Wait a sec…these things all read the same!!! Oh well, I still have some questions: Will the Pure EP be included as bonus material? Did I even read those things? Will I ever feel good about (recently…ssshhh!!!) purchasing a used copy of the major label “huh?” album, Blue, for the sole purpose of “having something to listen to in the car” during a 6+ hour drive back to Memphis from Atlanta/Athens? My girlfriend and co-pilot: “Still kicking in ’98, huh?”

…and now for the CLIMAX!!!

The Jesus Lizard HALL OF GREATNESS!!! (no order)

1. “Pastoral”

2. “7 Vs. 8″

3. “Gladiator”

4. “Blockbuster”

5. “Glamorous”

6. “Elegy”

7. “Mouth Breather”

8. “Monkey Trick”

9. “The Best Parts”

10. “Monkey Trick” (live version from Bang)

11. “Cold Water”

12. “Boilermaker”

13. “The Art of Self-Defense”

14. “Zachariah”

15. “Whirl”

No science…feel free to argue with a list I compiled in 30 seconds.

 

 

 

 

Buy these books…EDITED ON T-DAY!!!

Posted in Uncategorized by Andrew Earles on November 27, 2008

Scratching your balding dome over what to get the inner circle for X-Mas?

Patronize Mr. Christie…

There should be more Bazillion Points…all over…but as a wise woman once said to me:

“The most prolific people, the ones that have the MOST ideas, are the ones that have the worst ideas.”

To clarify (or rather, to answer a couple of idiotic e-mails)…

This entry is PRO-Bazillion Points (Books)!!

Look at that! I backspaced over some stuff!!

I give this T-Day a 10!!

If I view this five more times…

Posted in Uncategorized by Andrew Earles on November 24, 2008

….I’m going to sell everything I own and become a drifter.

Your turn.

Points:

“I’ve been a fan for a long time, I’m glad to finally meet you.”

“long time” = nine months? Is anyone else laughing their toes off at John Norris’ (a 50-year-old that kissed Britney and Madonna ass as recently as two or three years ago) “indiefication.”

Actually, it makes total sense, seeing as how “indie”/hipster/whatever music will be the new Britney within six months.

I can’t keep watching it for this entry’s initial purpose. I don’t want to be a homeless drifter. Not yet.

Full disclosure: I really like the song “I Believe In Nothing.” No other VG song I’ve heard has come within miles of it, though.

 

Black Friday comes early…

Posted in Uncategorized by Andrew Earles on November 22, 2008

…and the gift is free. Jeffrey Jensen, the “Jensen” in “Earles and Jensen”, picked up a phone and executed some whoppers on Viva Radio. Listen to Jeff to take three American Apparel employees hostage!! With a phone!!

Jeffrey Jensen as Jeff “Skunk” Baxter. (AA location: Coconut Grove)

Let me give you a little background on Jeff “Skunk” Baxter, perhaps the last musician on the lips of someone between the ages of 18 and 26. Baxter plied his trade (mostly rhythm guitar) in both Steely Dan and The Doobie Brothers, while spending much of the 80′s and 90′s peddling instructional (again, mostly rhythm guitar) video tapes to nobody. The Viva Radio Blog posted a helpful image to go along with this call. While hilarious, this one is just a warm-up. Now, I hope you packed a lunch…

“Michael Anthony’s Bad Boy Image Has Been Shot” (AA location: Echo Park)

No explanation needed. To fully understand this call, buy our CD. There, you’ve now purchased what experts are calling “The Last Comedy Album.” It’s time to experience the undeniable highlight of this prank call trio…..

“Newline Cinema’s ‘Mom’ Hits the Stores” (AA location: Capitol Hill)

 

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